Maha's musings

Once in a Toastmasters' meeting, I was asked this question... Where do u want to find yourself in five years from now? The question was so profound that it showed who I actually was and what my dreams and aspirations were.  The answer came out of my mouth more as a reflex..... Disclaimer: Might seem to be a series of unrealistic American dreams. But never mind... After all dreaming is free!!!😁 I of course want to find myself in a place, far away from where I am now. Not physically..... but intellectually, emotionally and economically.  The past ME, that's before five years from now could have been proud of the 'ME', I'm now.  But I, I am passionately curious about seeing 'HER'— the 'ME' who will have evolved into a far better version of mine in five years from now. She won't be just a girl who knows things and keeps it with her but the one who takes steps further to experiment with them and shares them with multitude. She will be the most sought...

When you are leaving your mom's place for your in-laws' house..., It's a myth that you miss only your parents and siblings... it's not how it works. You miss your entire being— the funkier version of yourself. You miss your close knit relatives, uncles, aunts and cousins who see the real you and keep you best company, by being your chattering comrades!  You miss your Nextdoor neighbour uncle who always smiles gleefully at you as he used to, when you were a kid.  You miss those random school mates or college mates, you bump into while going out for a casual walk.  You miss your parents' friends and acquaintances who treat you more like their own kid and shower you with love and edibles 😁.  You miss that scavenger aunty who always smiles at you soothingly in the morning and asks your whereabouts.  You miss that snacks vendors and icecream vendors to whom you always seem to be a kid no matter how big you grow. You miss that one tailor anna who swathes you with his...

The unlit paths have changed into luminously lit streets... The unpaved trails have turned into paved streets... The vagabond vendors are now proud owners of big business outlets... But one thing that has never changed is, this man and the peculiar ways he chooses to shower his love on me.  I still vividly remember the eight year old me, throwing tantrums for a pillion ride, whenever he would kickstart his bike. To my nagging, never would he allow me to and would  beat me if I insisted.  Little did I know that the hot tempered  disciplinarian would grow to become an even tempered father.  From those murky childhood days to these charming adolescent days, his way of loving me is matchless. When all the other fathers bought their children, expensive gifts, he would not. When  they took their children on vacation, all he could afford  was a sleepover at my granny's place. When they spent all their weekends laughing and dancing, our days would be grim and ...

Have you ever cribbed in front of mirror frustrated, trying to thrust yourself into that favourite kurti which you have successfully outgrown?  Have you ever felt embarrassed to be a friend of girls who have bucket full of love stories where all your talks are rejected as an uninteresting bucket list? In the era of rapid changes, where women are spotted everywhere right from steering trucks to launching rockets, it is paradoxical to spot women who are being body shamed, looked down upon or undervalued especially under the pretext of finding grooms. It is heartwrenching to see parents who preach their daughters to have high self esteem and self respect fall headlong into the whirl of big fat Indian wedding and forget everything.  The book "Encounters of a Fat Bride" deals with the life of Madhurima Pandey who is fed up with her family members' back to back attempts to get her married. Chances of Madhu, getting married seems slim because she is not....

"I buy her expensive gifts and shower her with things she loves. But she seems unsatisfied always." "I make bed, I take the trash out, I take my children to school even amidst my smothering routine..but she does not acknowledge at all.. My efforts clearly have no value.." I do this, I do that but still I can't keep our bond intact. There are brawls, disagreements and arguments. We can't make it. What is the secret behind all those successful couples who lead their HAPPILY EVER AFTERs with ease? This is the billion dollar question that resonates in most of our minds. But, Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages " proves that there is nothing called "happily ever after ". He provides some key insights on the reality behind love and life and how to tackle it with some real life instances.  It is easy to fall in love but staying in love needs constant efforts and unwavering commitment. No matter how much we feel loved in the ...

Letter to mom and dad... Dear mom , your memories haunt me. You come to my mind during the most unexpected of times.when I wake up in the morning, my eyes long to see you mopping around the house doing chores. When I find my bathing soap getting thin, my tongue automatically shouts out "Maa, soap...." Not a single hour elapses without your memory. Whenever you are around, I remain me. Your presence is not appreciated but your absence is felt. I no longer remember your strict disciplinarian demeanor; all I remember is your gentle embracing smile and that lovely pat on my back whenever I accomplish something, no matter how trivial it be, you never fail to appreciate me. Your words of encouragement fuel my confidence and let me challenge anything or anyone. Never have my eyes seen you lazing around doing nothing.  Whom will you advise on thousand random things ranging from waking up early in the morning to goggling before going to bed? Who will carry water in vessels downstairs ...

This morning I was making a call to one of my friends for the usual chattering. To my surprise I was greeted with an automated voice as a caller tune. It was a part of “Har Ghar Triranga”, a campaign to celebrate the 77 th Independence day. It suggested every Indian to take a selfie with the triranga (Tricolour flag) and post it on the website concerned to participate in Azadi ka Amrit Mahotsav, ( a government-initiated programme celebrating the 75th or diamond jubilee year of Indian Independence Day. It emphasises future growth while highlighting India's accomplishments during the previous 75 years. The initiative marks goals to be achieved by 2047 when India will complete 100 years of independence . ) The voice note made me annoyingly self-reflexive. It all sounded whimsical and made no sense. I am not an armchair critic who finds faults with ruling party. Being a bystander, I couldn’t connect the dots as to why such futile steps to flaunt? The voice also led me to some existe...

I live in an emotional no man's land!!! Outwardly, it seems everybody owns me. Parents say that I'm their daughter and I was born and brought up there at their place. In-laws say that I'm all theirs now and they are my second parents. My life is there and my progeny will flourish there at their place. They even assure that I have every right to ask anything I want.  I was so happy thinking that I got two parents to love me and own me. Yesterday I was at my mom's place. When I was about to lift a pitcher full of water, my mom said, "Be careful. If you trip down, we have to answer your in-laws."  Today, back in my in-laws' house, this morning I was heating a pot full of water. When I was about to transfer it to a bucket, I heard my dad-in-law saying, "let it be. We shall do that for you. If it spills, we have to answer your parents."  It was epiphanic! I realised a bitter truth— let it be my parents or in-laws, they care for me but don't own me...

Love is the most magical thing that hits us when we least expect it. And it is always easy for a tender hearted to fall in love. But for a skeptic? Will it be that easy to convince her and get her love? Difficult but not impossible. Cupid is always on duty! He melts the hearts magically. His arrows never miss the target. The movie shows how cupid connects a tender hearted Daniel Bae who believes in love and destiny with perceptive Natasha Kingsley who rejects it just as  a coincidence. However the fate is on its play that they both fall prey to it as puppets. The movie opens hysterically showing Natasha, arguing with her parents howmuch she loves NewYork and not ready to leave it anymore. It is unleashed that their African immigrant family has to be deported to Jamaica after an ICE raid. When the entire family is budging, Natasha fights back, knocking the doors of different officials, seeking legal help. On the other hand, Daniel, being a Korean immigrant wh...

  Title: Beyond the Blackboard (2011) Director: Jeff Bleckner Language: English (US) Duration : 97mins. Genre: Television drama film   A feel good movie that shows how a strong willed committed teacher can make a lasting impact in the lives of her students, no matter what they undergo. It shows the predicaments of a passionate woman named Stacey Bess who ends up becoming a teacher in a temporary shelter where the children of socially neglected people are schooled. The movie is an adaptation of   “Nobody Don’t Love Nobody” (A memoir by Stacey Bess) When the movie opens, we are shown the glimpses of Stacey’s troubled childhood and how thrilled she is about becoming a teacher. She says, “(as a child) I loved to be a teacher. I loved the giant pull-down maps and the way brand new textbooks smelled. I loved writing my name at the top of the page, as though I was someone who counted…..” These words strongly project how becoming a teacher can be an escape from her t...

An over exaggerated account of the thoughts and feelings of a girl (maybe a lady) on being jobless!!! Disclaimer: Not entirely personal  Being jobless is being a ship without its sailor; a traveller without his compass in a wilderness; a child without its mother. Life becomes a clear mess; you can feel the clatter, a total chaos and an apocalypse. You feel that you become insignificant and your life gets stuck between your BMI and EMI. Hair falls, pimples peep, eyes turn  baggy, your body goes berserk, prompting you always to binge whatever that is unhealthy under the sun.  The tightfit clothes which you have successfully outgrown will laugh at you reminding you of days on which you took perfect selfies and groupies wearing them. The once overused and now unworn watch will look at you longingly to at least lift that from the congested shelf to save its dying battery. Your eventful exhausting days will turn meticulously monotonous where your only pastime is to surf your mo...

Public transport can teach us the best of life's lessons. Every passenger learns something or other. I am not an exception for that. Today my mom and I were commuting back home from temple on a government bus. Boarding the bus itself was a herculean task let alone having a seat. But somehow my mom deviced a brilliant plan and thanks to that we both could travel hastle free, sitting in a two-seater— I, near the window and mom, next to me.  When the overcrowded bus scuttled past heavily,  there came an old woman in her late 60s, moving towards our seat. The bus was jam-packed. The heat and sultry combined with wafting odour was unbearable. Amidst those jostling people of various sizes, the old woman looked so miserable. When I was busy sympathising with her, my mom stood up and let her be seated. She was so gentle but felt awkward to sit in someone else's place (on charity). She looked sideways at me as if I would be offended as she let my mom stand. "I'll get down in th...

The trick was, just to put off things for a while. My mom can't stop me from such academic or professional endeavours. Something in me said that she would budge (but only if I be quiet). So I didn't shout or sulk. Hours passed. When it was ten minutes to four, she asked me when I  had to leave. That implied, there were no more splinters on my path to NIT-T. "4:30pm", told I and got ready as such.  Incidentally mom and dad couldn't make it to go out that evening. Nonetheless, I wasn't allowed to call dad to drop me, as he got held up in our shop. That didn't matter. I still had my scooty for my rescue at least until SIT. From there I could manage to board the bus to NIT-T.  When I reached the bike stand, it was half past four. I had time. Needn't rush as always. When I went to the bus stop, I could see nobody waiting. To add fuel to the fire, the sun was blazing overhead. But none of them could put a mud bund to my excitement.  With my crossed fingers, ...

I didn't expect that my mom would turn so offensive just to let me go out for such professional purposes. Her demeanour reminded me of the mother of my college days where she would say a strict NO  to all my requests to be a part of "friends' day outs".  "Why are you restricting me? It's a good chance to get to know about the club that too in NIT Trichy campus. I...", I was sputtering in irritation. "Nothing is needed. Attend everything online. If you can't, just leave it. The BIG DAY is just a month away. We can't leave you as you wish. Give that stupid key to me first of all.", she shouted unsparingly. But I was relentless. "I have to go and I'm going", I said to myself.  Answering her back would prove useless as I finally would have to follow whatever she would say and even dad couldn't come to my rescue. So I chose to convince her by highlighting the pros of attending the meeting.  "Whatever it's for. I do...

"Where are you going?" came the question in a hurry. "NIT..", said I with a pride that couldn't be hidden, as I handed over a 10rs. note to the conductor. It was 4:40pm and I had to be there at 5:30 sharp. Considering the situation that it was my first time at NITT, I wanted to reach at least 15mins prior, so that I could reach the venue— "LH-2 Logos" that had been mentioned in the flyer. When enquired, I was told that LH stood for 'Lecture Hall'. That was totally serendipitous that I chanced upon the flyer on the Instagram page of Toastmasters Internationals' NIT Trichy Chapter, the previous night. The moment I saw that, I couldn't help typing text asking if the outsiders are allowed to give guest entry. I wasn't sure if I would be answered, as it was crazily late at night for a person to respond for such official queries. But to my pleasant surprise came the answer within minutes..."Toastmasters clubs are always o...

We deliberated for Nayum bro and his family to join us. We made calls but nothing was answered. "He might be trapped in traffic!", told Raksha's mom. We stopped calling him and waited for a couple of minutes. To our relief, he came with his two daughters dressed in a pretty way alike. "Happy birthday Shyniii.....", Screamed Raksha seeing her friend. Everybody wished her as well; not so excitedly as Raksha though. She responded with her signature muted smile. It added beauty to her angelic aqua marine long frock.  "Where is your mom?", we probed. Her dad went on before shyni would even open her lipstick tainted mouth, "She isn't keeping well and it was too late...."   "So....?", I interrupted impatiently, thinking that the entire plan would come to a standstill.  "So nothing. She will join us for Mukkombu", He completed tracing my suspicion. I grinned with apparent satisfaction. "Flake out!!!", people mocked a...

Marriage is an auspicious occasion where we can encounter diverse people all in the same vibes. The smoky air was filled with wafting aroma of the freshly knit garlands, incense sticks and ripe bananas. The cheerful children were running helter skelter in sheer fun. The chairs in the hall were overturned slacklessly, sporting the carefree mood of the people there. They were waiting for the photoshoot while chattering blaringly. Amidst those chilling people, I spotted our colleagues occupying the penultimate row in the most disciplined way possible. Raksha's mom was surrounded by three of our junior colleagues and her daughter.  Raksha was in stunning maroon frock with her blonde hair pulled right into a tight ponytail. The necklace was dazzling amidst the colourfully dressed pretty women and a couple of murkily dressed men😉. Despite the stunning look, something was missing. We walked past the scantily populated rows to reach them. My mama accompanied us all the way, introducing me...

I saw some of my relatives loitering outside the wedding hall. Most of them couldn't recognise the "grown me". I didn't try to talk to them either, as I was puzzled as to how to address them. When I was standing there tapping my foot, I saw those twin sisters passing by in tandem. It was so nostalgic to spot them there. They were those childhood frenemies with whom I had bittersweet companionship. The brawls we had while playing snake and ladder, hide and seek and the beatings I got because of the sleepovers at their house flashed through my mind. Puzzlingly enough it didn't dawn on me to stop them and talk.  "Come...come... We shall go!!!", rushed Kani bro, as he entered. Surprisingly enough, the exit was crowded with our junior colleagues, chitchattering, posing for selfies and groupies. It seemed they had been waiting for some more friends to join, before entering the hall. As we both went, they too joined. My eyes were in search of Raksha's mom a...

When I noticed it was already 8:45pm. I was reminded that I had some preparation works and a score of papers to be evaluated. Though it was a Saturday eve, I couldn't put the work off as the next day would be a gala day. So,  leaving everything behind, I dived deep into the heap and that in turn kept me engaged for another hour.   When I was halfway through the preparation, my mobile buzzed. As a good stroke of luck, it was kani bro. Before I could ask anything, he went on instructing me to wait near hotel Mayas and assured that he would pick me from there. I felt awe. With a satisfied, "Okay, brovvv!!!!" I hung up. However I was thankful that he didn't mock me (as usual) for having rejected his offer and being strayed.  With a great anticipation for the next day, I went to bed, after texting Raksha's mom about the timing and other stuff. It was a long night. I couldn't get a wink of sleep, tossing and turning.  The next day dawned to the tone of my alarm. Wit...

Finally after the long day, I reached home late as it was Saturday. When I went to hit the bell, I saw the door locked. When phoned, my mom let me know that she had gone to the reception as she couldn't attend the wedding the next day.  "But why?", I asked her to which she replied that she would let me know later in a jiffy and hung up. That's my mother. Telephonic conversations with her have always been annoyingly incomplete. What else to be done, I fished out the key, opened the door to find my sister juggling with her laptop and phone as usual. When asked she revealed that my mom had to go to temple the next day hence the schedule had to be revamped.  It was a mild dent to my plan as I had wanted to introduce my colleague-friends to my mom and vice versa. Besides I had also rejected the offer to be dropped from Chathram to the wedding hall.  My ever-alert brain started suggesting me numerous ways to reach the wedding hall. Either to go on my own, or to hitch hike. ...