The 5 Love Languages, The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman (Book Review)

"I buy her expensive gifts and shower her with things she loves. But she seems unsatisfied always."

"I make bed, I take the trash out, I take my children to school even amidst my smothering routine..but she does not acknowledge at all.. My efforts clearly have no value.."

I do this, I do that but still I can't keep our bond intact. There are brawls, disagreements and arguments. We can't make it. What is the secret behind all those successful couples who lead their HAPPILY EVER AFTERs with ease? This is the billion dollar question that resonates in most of our minds.

But, Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages " proves that there is nothing called "happily ever after ". He provides some key insights on the reality behind love and life and how to tackle it with some real life instances. 

It is easy to fall in love but staying in love needs constant efforts and unwavering commitment. No matter how much we feel loved in the initial stage which feels magical, filled with sweet nothings and butterflies in stomach, it all ultimately peter out. The pink world one used to see blurs in no time when reality sets in. People find it difficult to stick around. The minor errors that were ignored once, start to show up as big blunders; boredom and resentment set in. It is during that time, we need to communicate effectively. Most importantly, the way in which our partner can understand. 

There is no one in the wide world who doesn't want to give or receive love. They express that in their own ways and that is called love language. Problems arise when we can't understand each other's language. Most of the marriages falter just because the couple speak in different (love) languages that can't be understood by each other. 

As the title suggests, the book enlists 5 different love languages...

1) Words of affirmation

2) Quality time

3) Giving gifts

4) Acts of service

5) Physical touch

These love languages can be the outcome of our childhood. How we were treated and shown love can drastically form our primary love language. Finding out one's partner's love language is quite tricky. One has to rewind a bit to find what has made him/her happy. It can be a gift, quality time, compliment even an encouraging pat on back. Only when we communicate in their language, they can make out and feel loved. 

The book discusses another theory called "love tank".It is a metaphor that denotes an imaginary tank filled with mutual love and emotions. It can be filled by constant efforts to make the other feel valued and loved. He says, It is important to keep our love tanks filled so that we don't feel that we are trapped in a loveless marriage and eventually run out of feelings for each other.

PS.

As a fiction lover, I don't fancy reading preachy nonfictions at times. But when I received the book as a post marriage gift from a friend, I was puzzled if he thought I needed a marriage counseling to make things work. However I couldn't overlook the fact that he cared for me. So I gave it a shot and reading the book was a real eye-opener. Chapman's advice on relationship is not only for spouses but also for all the relationships. Indeed informative.