When Existential Crisis Kicks in...

 

Yesterday, I was scrolling through my Insta profile, I got a notification that I had been tagged to a post. Recently, I got an offer from an enthusiastic designer to get my blogpost posted on her Insta profile, with a creative cover page. I gladly accepted and hence, she had tagged me.  When I opened, the cover page was of vintage look. I couldn't help but revisited my blog to re-read (or to relive) my words of musings. 

When I was reading the posts one by one, I received another notification from Insta. This time it was a message from an old student. "Ma'am, have you published a book too?", It read. 

"Oops.. no. It was a cover page designed for one of my blog posts. I haven't published any book.", I wrote awkwardly. More than embarrassment, I felt a sharp prick rereading the message. Suddenly, I got reminded of an incident that happened four years before. 

I was his teacher in grade 12. It was obvious for us teachers to discuss career options with students who were about to step into the next step of their lives - higher studies. During one such sessions wherein everyone was sharing their aspiration, this boy asked me "Ma'am, Were you aspiring to become a teacher? What else you could have become, if not a teacher?" 

That was totally out of blue. I hadn't expect that. "I didn't want to become a teacher, but I loved English so much that I chose English literature for my graduation and landed as a teacher after appearing for the campus interview conducted by the end of my post graduate years. But I do want to explore the horizons of the language. 

"Like how, ma'am?", he asked with curiosity. 

"I wish to write... I am blogging my daily events now. Soon, I will take this to the next level by publishing my own book. I am just waiting for that big day!", I replied with a tinge of pride in my eyes. He wished be best of luck and also congratulated in advance. 

Here I am, pondering over the past, re reading my own masterpieces (at least for me..) and feeling proud of myself after reading the comments for the hundredth time and obviously doing nothing to take it further. 

Some hard questions started surfacing in my mind.

"Am I on the right path?"

"Am I stuck in the 9 to 5 lifestyle?"

"Is my work just monetarily rewarding?"

"Are others happy with their work?" "Am I the only one who feels trapped?"

.....ctrl + alt + delete.... 

"I feel low. Can we go out for a walk, may be we shall also get our weekend shopping done?", I asked my husband. 
A quick "yes" was the reply. 

(to be continued...)